UBER CAT & DRAGON OWNER MANUAL by Marge Simon & Mary Turzillo

Do the curtains burst into flames when your dragon sneezes? Is the dragon litter box cluttered with fragments of princess tiaras? Has the cat sabotaged the TV remote so that you can only watch cat food ads? Do feline vixens use the scratching post for late-night pole dancing? Do you find yourself wandering aimlessly about the house, crying out, "Who's in charge of this place, anyway?"
 
Cats and dragons do not come with owner's manuals. You have to buy these separately--and trust me, cats and dragons have planned it that way from the get-go. If they can keep you from buying this book, the answer to the question you keep crying out is, "Them!"
 
So buy this manual. Study it carefully. You still have a chance to get some semblance of your life back.
 
Endorsements:
 
On Oriental Ubers -You'll adore your baby Persian Faust. Kittens retain their fluffy cuteness for centuries before turning against their owners. At that time, it's advisable to leave.
 
"In this groundbreaking study, Professors Simon and Turzillo expose the needs of these amazing creatures. Both have been nominated for the Nobile Prize. Unfortunately, Turzillo hasn't been seen since filming her Dental Care for Smilodons documentary, while Simon has fled the US to live in a heavily armed compound in Athabasca."
--Dr. Floofy Le Strange, Dean, Cronell Veterinary School

"I really loved it, especially the part where the cat tried to eviscerate the dragon." -- Buffy V.

"If these two charlatans think they can loose the hordes of hell on America's families and call them pets, they've got another think coming. We have bazookas and will shoot to kill any giant cats or mutant reptiles on our streets."
--Poppy Z Fright, People Against Terrifying Animals